


And drop me down to the dream below

by I_am_sorry



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Abortion, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7107775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_sorry/pseuds/I_am_sorry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Post-Civil War]. Steve can’t seem to focus in the little details --everything else buzzes like background noise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And drop me down to the dream below

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not very sure about this one. Also just to be on the safe side there’s a reference to past Steve/Bucky.

[R-ewrit///-_e]

I  
Steve doesn’t think much after everything is said and done. He had a goal. He made it happen. It’s over.

Constant movement.

Steve sees everything now as a kaleidoscope with blurred colors and moving way too fast for him to keep up. They are moving from a place to another, always, and there is no time to rest. Always running.

Steve is always running now it seems --from his past, his pain, his previous mistakes. 

He should just never had…

“Stevie?” Bucky calls and it’s late. Steve guesses is time to sleep. All the others are probably settled already. It’s not much this place they have --just and old abandoned candy factory that seems to have closed long ago leaving behind just echoes and ghosts-- but is better than nothing. It’s snowing outside. 

“Buck?” He says and he knows how things are supposed to go.

“It’s late,” Bucky continues and sometimes he seems so awkward --so out of place and Steve understands because he knows what it is to feel like the only piece of the puzzle that doesn’t fit. 

“Yeah, I’m going to sleep now.”

Bucky nods and waits and yes, yes this is how is supposed to be. This is the way the world (nature) works. Bucky is waiting for him to go to sleep to the same bed, Bucky is waiting because Steve is an alpha and it’s what he knows he has to do as an omega. Is how it was back then. Normal. The two of them together alone against the world --they were mated or well they had been trying to make the link, to make it work before… well…

“Lets…lets go,” Steve says and hopes, really hopes tonight is not the night Bucky will go in heat because he just can’t…he doesn’t know how to…

Rewrite.

“Hey, is there something bothering you?” Bucky tries once they are snuggled together on the bed --under a pile of old ragged red blankets. Steve tries very hard to not notice that the covers are red. He is been trying to forget the color exists lately. 

“No,” He lies and swallows after the bitter taste in his mouth. “Just tired.”

Red. 

“Fine,” Bucky says slowly and no, they are not fine but they will be somehow or that’s what Steve wants to believe.

Maybe with enough effort he will.

 

[Co-//lor--_less]

II  
“It’s good.” Clint admits tilting his head and crunching right in front of him. Steve looks down at what Clint is seeing in his sketch book and remembers just a moment ago he had been working (drawing) on something.

Steve rearranges himself on the floor –unfolds his legs and puts down his pencil. 

“I like it,” Clint continues and sometimes Steve just wants to apologize to him for dragging him to this mess and making him a fugitive. He wants to apologize to Laura and the kids as well. Steve wants to… he wants to do many things nowadays. “I like how you are drawing in just black and white. It’s pretty cool.” 

“Thanks.” He says and then he reminisces there was a time when he used to only draw in color. It seems like a life time ago. 

In reality only four months have passed since he stopped painting with oil colors and pastels. 

He misses red the most.

 

[No—t//i…ce-]

III  
Steve is with Wanda when he hears it. Three months after the incident in Siberia. They are having breakfast in a little family restaurant that is close to their hiding place. The chairs and the tables are old and Steve is sure their mantel piece has seen better days but at least Wanda seems to like it –the normality of the whole thing, maybe. 

And that’s enough. 

They will be leaving this place soon anyway. 

“Tony Stark has been reported to have collapsed this morning in the middle of the announcement for his.......... Our sources are still not informed of the reasons but seeing his previous……… could it be……… heart attack?” 

Steve can’t seem to focus in the little details --everything else buzzes like background noise. 

Heart attack. Cardiac arrest. Tony’s hearts is failing him. Again. 

“Stark won’t die from such a simple thing,” Wanda says and somehow she sounds (knowing) years older than she really is –her accent harsh with enough contempt inside to burn everything standing in no-man’s land. 

Steve just doesn’t know what he should answer to that. Scarlet Witch has really never been a fan of Iron Man and Wanda Maximoff has never really made an effort to like Tony Stark. Maybe is because the two of them are alpha –but then again Steve is an alpha as well and he gets along with Wanda just fine. With Tony… with Tony it was different but before everything, well, they had reached a middle ground. They had been… it was bright and…

And red, red, red—

Cardiac are—

If he doesn’t notice, if he overlooks it then… then it won’t become a reality. 

If he just ignores it then, surely, it will just go away. 

“I’m ready for my muffin,” Steve says as if Wanda hadn’t said anything before and he thinks he will go for the strawberry flavored one.

Wanda looks at him slowly, measuring and after a while doesn’t say anything else. 

 

[L-_//-oss]

IV  
“It wasn’t a heart attack,” Natasha starts and she looks pale. As if she is getting sick from just thinking about it --and for the first time since Steve has known her, she seems at loss for words. “Cap you need to sit down.”

Steve just looks at her and he knows by this stage he is already frowning. What could be so bad for her to be like this? “Is he dying?” Steve asks (with his throat dry) because Natasha is shaking now and it would make sense and no, no, no—

Natasha shakes her head and sighs. “I need you to buckle up Steve. I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Just do.” Steve says and maybe it sounds like an order but it’s an old habit of his, this one. 

“It was a miscarriage.” Natasha says and her voice trembles with an emotion Steve can’t quite identify. “He had a miscarriage.” She repeats just to make it a little bit more real but Steve is not…

He doesn’t understand it and his mind is not computing. He feels disconnected from reality, he knows Natasha is still talking, explaining something, he just doesn’t know what.  
Because a miscarriage, as in an abort? 

A child?

“But Tony is an alpha?” He hears his own voice ask weakly but doesn’t remember when he actually said the question out aloud. He feels dizzy. Surely he heard wrong?

He wants to throw up.

“He is,” Natasha affirms slowly, painfully, and that’s somehow even worse than the other possibility (the possibility of Tony having lied to get… to get Steve to…), the possibility of him being an omega. “Tony Stark is an alpha. I have the tests, I got my hands in his medical file…I just couldn’t believe, I just don’t know how it happened but Steve do you understand what I’m telling you?”

He can’t speak. 

Natasha tries again. “He is an alpha who somehow got pregnant. He is not designed for it… the child… the child couldn’t make it, Steve. This kind of situation has only happened once before, twenty years ago, it was recorded as one of the biggest anomalies that the science had seen at the time. The alpha that had this same condition refused to let the doctors intervene; he died in childbirth along with the— with his child. Tony’s child was premature, he didn’t even know he was… the files Steve, I, I hacked the hospital he is in and the files, I can’t—”

“H-how is he?” Steve feels like the air has been punched out of him. He feels like fainting but he has to know. “Who was the other father?” And somehow he knows, he knows Tony would never have bared his throat to another alpha… not after…

Natasha just looks at him (with a steely gaze) and doesn’t say a word.

And that’s it.

Steve feels empty.

He has become a dad, he has had his first kid (something he has been wanting for so long) and now that same kid is gone. 

“Pepper won’t make it a public statement,” Natasha lowers her eyes, crosses her arms in a self-protective posture. This issue is hitting to close to home for her. “It’s unheard of an alpha to submit to another. It’s an abnormality. It would be a circus… all the stocks of Stark industries would go down. He can’t speak to anyone about it, Steve.”

“How long far along was he?”

And this time Natasha actually flinches. “He was seven months when the miscarriage happened.”

Which means—

Wich means Tony was… when… Siberia happened.

“I need,” His voice sounds rough –not very much like his usual tenor. “I need to see him, to see them.”

“I don’t know what they did with the rests of the child,” Natasha says blandly (trying to recover her usual calm) and Steve wants to shake her, to demand from her the location of the grave but even now he understands she doesn’t know it.

Even now Steve understands Tony would never tell anyone the location of his deceased child, of their deceased child because Tony has never been prone to share to others when he is feeling pain. 

“I need to go.”

Natasha nods.

And that’s that.

 

[de_f..//eat] 

V.  
Steve´s eyes burn as he thinks of everything that happened once again.  
\---  
\--  
-  
It wasn’t worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, as I said before I just don’t know what this is… well I do know, everyone seemed so happy to jump to the alpha/beta/omega thing and I wanted to contribute a little to it and this happened.
> 
> Just so the wound is not that bad –you should know Tony’s child is alive… somehow.


End file.
